Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
