my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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