I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
