This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
