I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
