If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
