You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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