Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
