her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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