Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize