So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
