I puked a lego.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
