lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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