we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
