they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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