giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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