I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
