The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
