Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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