I smell stomach acid.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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