we should wear snuggies to the strip club
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
