accomplished twins. life is a go
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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