it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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