he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He passed out mid-signature
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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