You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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