You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
