Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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