On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
