I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
