You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
