i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize