i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
