it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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