My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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