i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
