Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
