Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
