her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
