It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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