those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
