Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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