As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
