I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
