He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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