she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
