We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
