I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
