There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
