seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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