I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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