He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize