It's like God shit irony all over that family
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
