im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
