Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
