you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
