My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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