oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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