I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize