She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
