My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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