Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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