My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
