Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize