ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's blow job season.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
