just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
