who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
