I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
