I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
