Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
