just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize