the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
