Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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