is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
