so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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