Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize