Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
