You're my little dorito
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This house was built for laser tag.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
