Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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