probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
