Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
