textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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