ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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