dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
