I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize