I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
