I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
