According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
