He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
