Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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