The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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