Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
