nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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