i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
