quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
