tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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