I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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