And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
