im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize