please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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