I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
