So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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