You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
