u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
