i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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