Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Randomize
