I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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