I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
