Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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