I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
